I can't breathe out the right side of my face
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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