This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
