You made me cry and you don't even care
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
COCAINE IS GR8
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
