I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
