Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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