so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
