you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
