remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
