"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
only if we run a train.
done.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
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