I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
