I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
