She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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