So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
