My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
