Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I had to cum in my sink.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
