we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
