We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
