That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize