8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He? As in you personified your dick?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
