Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
