I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
