Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
