After last night, I could never be a politician.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
