Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
