Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
This is the high leading the old right now
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
