i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
high people should be assigned attendants
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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