Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
