in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Randomize
