you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We have so much sex to catch up on
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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