what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
