Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
