So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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