when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
