Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
