I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
