I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
