I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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