I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
