Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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