The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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