Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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