my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I have post one night stand depression
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