Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
