u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Small penises have feelings too.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
