Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
