I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
