Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
