I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
