I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
