she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
