We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
