Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
