My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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